So, which should I start with? Hmmmmmm. Well, Let's start with the almost death of The Susi. No, too heavy on warm night like tonight, how about how Karma jumped up and bitch-slapped me again? Yeah, that seems like a better topic than the almost death of the Susi, but if I get enough requests, I will tell the story in the future. Where were we? Oh, yeah, Karma and the bitch slap.
So, this all begins innocently enough with our dog Zoe. When I say dog, I really mean Dog, she is a Great Dane-Boxer mix, and is pretty big, and still in her puppy phase of her life (read she likes to chew on shit). So, The Susi leaves out a very expensive pair of sandals, and poor sweet innocent Zoe takes a few nibbles out of one (this translates directly to "she royally confuculated an $85 sandal") But, being the kind sole (not very punny, I know) she is, she only chewed up one of them. So The Susi calls me at work saying, and I translate directly "That Goddamn blah blah blah blah chewed blah blah blah blah blah blah fuckin' blah blah blah blah blah listening?" So, of course I give the generic "uh-huh, yeah, sure honey.", and I hang up, not really having a clue what she was talking about. Well, when I get home, I see a chewed up shoe on the the floor, and realize that it's not mine (mainly because it's silver) and figure that Susi must be aware that her shoe is chewed up (I had, by this time, completely forgotten the shockingly profanity laced call from her earlier). I saw the other sandal, completely unscathed, parked next to the confuculated one, and figured, well, I can't give this to the Salvation Army because they only take shoes in pairs (another story available upon request), and I didn't think there was much of a market for 1 shoe, so, I let Zoe confuculate the other shoe. Well, The Susi, flipped the fuck out when she realized that I let the dog, excuse me, the Dog eat the other sandal. I tried my best to defend myself (mostly by saying "Hmmmmm", and "Well......", and the good old standby "I forgot."), but to no avail, The Susi was pissed. The main point of her argument was that now the Dog (didn't forget the capital D this time) would think that it is OK to chew on everyone's shoes. I told her, quite smugly that I didn't feel sorry for her because she left her shoe out, and I think I laughed at her at some point (yeah, I'm a dick). Well, a few weeks pass by, and I forget about the whole thing, but Miss Karma did not. I had been looking for a pair of shoes for the summer, and finally found a pair of Puma's that I really liked. (Do y'all see where this is going?) Yes, loyal follower, the Dog confuculated just one of my sneakers. The Susi just pointed at me and laughed. And laughed. And laughed some more. So, now I am left with just my dress crocs to wear this summer since 1 of my Puma's was eaten, and 1 of my regular crocs melted. (another story available upon request, and very short) Well, folks, that is the story of the Big Karma Bitch-Slap. By the way, I figured out what the moral of this story is; don't laugh at The Susi.
1 comment:
I'd like to hear about the crocs melting.
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